“There is a conspiratorial game afoot, hidden from the eyes of the sheep that roam this planet. No, I don’t literally mean sheep, Karen. Shhh!” said Tut and moved closer to the mic. His voice, his ideas were being live podcasted to over a million people.
“Regular listeners of mine will already know the extent to which this rot has pervaded our world, our institutions, our sacred beliefs. But for any new listeners out there, have I got some news for you.”
“When God sneezed this world into existence, everything was balanced. Everything was good. We were the chosen ones. Until Yensid, the devil, corrupted the souls of some animals, none more so than the ducks. Yes, you heard me right! The ducks. They are creatures of deceit and evil, the re-incarnation of Lucyfur. Do you remember the last time you saw a duck? Swimming in a pond, all calm. It isn’t! It’s paddling furiously below the surface. DECEITFUL!”
“But Tut, you say. That’s just a tick. It’s what ducks do. And to you I say, that isn’t the only thing. We aren’t nutjobs here. We look at the data, the facts, the undeniable trends, the irrefutable conclusions. Have you ever heard of the expression water off a duck’s back? Why do you think they say that? Because just like Yensid, ducks don’t care about anything. True nihilists in every manner.”
“But, no, that’s not all. Not even close. Their worst crime, their worst nature is how they violate God’s law. They have been so corrupted by Yensid that their genitals have also become all twisted! Yes, my dear listeners, the situation is that dire!”
“And now they have begun their world domination. It’s subtle. Most of you haven’t noticed it. But have you ever heard of Disney. They’re not even trying to hide it! And now they have their duck mascot brainwashing our kids! Spreading their vileness into the soft, gullible, trusting minds of our children. They need to be stopped!”
“The story doesn’t end here. But unfortunately, our time is ending. But you can read more about this in my new book. Out now! Link on my webpage. Ducks and how to make them pay. Get it. Read it. Absorb it and join the revolution!”