Tommy, 14 years old, looked at the question paper in front of him.  “Summarize one of Shakespeare’s plays in as much detail as possible.” This was going to be tough. Tommy hadn’t read or seen a single one. Based on all the pop culture knowledge he had, he decided to wing it.

In a really old European, possibly Italian, city there were two families who were constantly fighting among themselves kinda like zombies and humans. The “human” family was the family of the girl, Juliet, in this epic love story. The “zombie” family was the family of the boy, Romeo. They were star-crossed lovers, never meant to fall in love, but they did, and this is how it happened.

The ‘human’ family was having a party in their house so that a Paul Rudd like handsome and accomplished guy could woo Juliet who was a virgin and also a star who had fallen from the sky. But because Juliet wasn’t crazy like the Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, she didn’t want to get down with the … um … Prince. This is when she saw Romeo who had gatecrashed their party, and it was love on first sight. Juliet blushed and rushed back to her room (which had a balcony) and to her friends. Romeo followed her but from outside and stood beneath her balcony.

Inside her room, Juliet’s friends asked her what was going on. And she told them that she was very happy because she felt pretty, oh so pretty and witty and gay. She also felt pity for any girl who wasn’t her today. (Oh, and the city was definitely Italian, just remembered). And then she started to miss Romeo, so she went out onto the balcony where the moon hung like a dewdrop on the sky, and whispered, “Romeo! Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?”

Romeo who had been standing beneath the balcony saw his in and came out of hiding and said, “Here I am”, and he climbed upto the balcony and to Juliet’s room. Juliet meanwhile had ushered her friends out of the room. All alone now, Romeo and Juliet professed their deep love for each other and started making out. Romeo’s monster … uhh …thing came up. It had its own mouth and eyes and everything. And because she was a virgin and had never seen athing before, Juliet fainted. Romeo thought that he had killed Juliet was his monster … um … thing and because he couldn’t imagine living with Juliet, he killed himself. When Juliet came back to consciousness she was very upset, obviously. Juliet, who in addition to being a virgin, was also a star and was now cross because Romeo had died (hence, star-crossed lovers) decided to kill herself too. And they lived happily ever after.


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