A cool breeze rustled through the leaves of the trees of the park I was sitting in. Parents pushing their young ones in the pram went past by me. Children squealing with laughter went past by me – happy and frolicking, running from post to post. I could feel the weight of their dreams on my shoulders. But, I didn’t see any of them. My eyes were closed. I just heard them, felt them in the air along with the cool breeze upon my cheeks. I would open my eyes and see this world for one last time, but not yet and not here.
I could feel the older people sitting on the many benches that dotted the park’s jogging track. I could feel the weight of their years on my shoulders. I could feel the lightness of the acceptance of mortality that comes with age on my shoulders. They were lucky. Truly lucky that they could die surrounded by their loved ones. I didn’t have any loved ones. And I wouldn’t die with them surrounding me.
I let every sensation soak into my being. I had to remember this. I wanted these to be my final thoughts before going away from this world.
I sat there for hours till I could hear no soul, no leaf rustle and then I slowly opened my eyes and let the moonlight wash over me. Taking care that I did not glimpse the sky, I made my way to my final destination – the football stadium next to the park.
I took off my shoes and stepped barefoot out onto the grass. I waited and let that sensation take over my body. Then I shouted and heard my echo and let that wash over me. And then I ran. And jumped. And spread my arms as wide as they could go. And kept screaming. I don’t know when those screams became tears and laughter and when I lay down in the middle of the field looking up at the moon. I was going to miss this moon. But that was alright. In about six months’ time, I would have two of them.
(15 December, 2015)