Finland & Poodles

Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash

“So, are we together, now?”

“We’ve been together for 3 months, Em.”

“But are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend, now?”

“Yes,” I shrugged.

“Cool,” she smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear as she continued to move her clothes into my wardrobe — now, our wardrobe, I reminded myself.

“I’ll file the paperwork tomorrow,” she said glancing at me.

“Hmm”, I grunted. I assumed she meant with HR, since we worked together. I think I was wrong.

* * *

“What do you mean Finland isn’t a country?”

“I mean Finland isn’t a country. It’s a fantasy land like Narnia or Fillory.”

“What the hell are you talking about! Of course Finland is a country. It’s right there next to Sweden and stuff.”

“No, Sam! Do you want to google it?”

“Ya, I want to google it!”

And we googled it.

Finland wasn’t a country. Never had been according to Wikipedia. Or Google Maps. Or BBC.

“This can’t be right,” I said.

She rolled her eyes and continued folding her clothes. Didn’t say a word.

I did some more research. It’s funny the lies we can believe. All my life I had believed Finland was a country when it clearly wasn’t. I didn’t know what to say. I slammed the laptop shut. It didn’t click for me until a few weeks later.

* * *

“Oh come on! You can’t be serious!” I said to my girlfriend. “Poodles are real.”

“No they’re not. They’re like unicorns. Made up. Seriously, Sam. I don’t know where you get these ideas in your head.”

“I’ll tell you. Here, look at this. This time I opened the website before I even said anything about Poodles.” I handed her my phone which had a couple of tabs from Google Images and Wikipedia open on the Poodles page. This time I was ready.

Weird shit had been happening the past few weeks. Every time I said something that she disagreed with, she would eventually end up right, even when I knew I was right. Even when I was right, she was right and I was wrong! It was bizarre. It was almost like reality was bending itself silly just so I could be wrong. So, this time I had done my research first. I had been prepared. Only then had I gotten into the argument with Em.

“Nope,” she said and handed the phone back to me. “I think this page is old, not updated to the latest information. Poodles aren’t real. You should probably refresh the page.” I took the phone back from here, incredulously and started to protest but then she gave me the look.

“It’s not going to be any different, Em” I said and refreshed the page. My eyes grew wide as I looked down at my phone. “Are you doing this?” I asked Em, clearly out of my mind.

“Doing what?”

“Changing reality?”

Em looked confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I shook my head and re-read the page on my phone.

“Poodles are a theoretical breed of dogs first hypothesized by …” is what the Wikipedia article read now.

This time I had no doubts about it.

Reality had shifted just so I would be wrong and lose the argument to my girlfriend.

* * *

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